Saturday, August 14, 2010

tomar el toro por las astas

Just took a green turd, from my green curry, yesterday. Parts of my bowels are empty but they are shifting. I love this sensation. Have you ever wanted to flush your life down a toilet like a big stinky turd? No I'm not talking about killing myself(or yourself for that matter) I mean to see what's beyond this white bowl in a brightly lit bathroom next to a well supplied paper napkin dispenser, looking just like another bathroom in another place? What if you just dropped all you know here in this filtered and over thought country. In the US of A where even obese women can sit and talk about high fructose corn syrup and why its illegal in other countries. I feel like abandoning ship today. I just directly decided that if I do well enough to apply for a law school I want and it happens to be in another state and Cody can't come. I will go.... I'm going to start being selfish. This is my life. I decide how it runs. I will not feel guilty for working doubles and not seeing Cody. This is something I need to do, and though I miss him so much I am aching I will live my life. I will not rely on someone else for my happiness. It's me. That's it. I believe birds, bugs, and mother earth will always be here too. But I just realized something profound. It's my life... And it's now, or never. “There is luxury in self reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel no one else has a right to blame us.” -Oscar Wilde

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