Tuesday, June 29, 2010

PeaNUT Butter!

A Heart throb of mine, almost too a fault. I only buy the all natural kind with no hydrogenated oils(that's what keeps novel PB from separating), no sugar, just peanuts... It's still a whopping 210 calories for 2 TABLESPOONS! On the flip side there is 2 g of fiber, and 8 g of protein! Bing, I am starting a new high protein diet to get some healthy weight on.

I will be setting some fitness goals not on distance but strength! Cheers, I will only be alone for one more day.


Saturday, June 26, 2010

Oddly I'm not ok... DUH

Debating staying up cleaning, laundry, movies:

-scrub toilet
-scrub tub(I need a new shower curtain)
-scrub sink
-laundry(Do my bed spread at my moms then dry at laundry mat)
-List for Monday IKEA(shower curtain, TV stand, sheet/wall cover)
-Pay doctor bill
-cancel bacon burning contract

Friday, June 25, 2010


I don't know why food makes everyone feel better. Rather I should be saying MOST, most people feel good about bad things when they eat. So today when my superiors come to tell me a doc on our unit has been fired they bring boxes of donuts! GOD... Really? Of course the larger(morbidly obese) sit, scarf theirs down and I'm perched there with mine safely tucked in my lap like it's a God damn puppy dog. Clearly I am not planning on eating mine, at least not in the scattered presence of the people in this room. When the meeting was over I wrapped it up and put it in my bag, I'll dispose of it on my way home. Feed the birds my chickadee :)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Fabric of life.

Humankind has not woven the web of life, with black asphalt, walmarts, applebees, or even in and out burgers. We are but a single thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves AKA oil spill that have and are mass killing gobs of creators, or maybe building levees setting up cities to be chocked out, all of these things should ring a bell. Everything is bound together. All things connect.

When uncertainly you're posed with a difficult decision of whether or not to continue being a self proclaimed angel(Latter Day Saint), consider this: The earth was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children. We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors, we borrow it from our Children. By children I don't mean all 12 of them that you warehouse in your booze hound vehicle, I mean future generations.

So next time you profess your desire to attain the highest degree of glory in a "better" place, you'd better hope that your "God"(who gave you not only a body of flesh but this earth!) isn't rightfully angry with fury at how you've treated this lovely gift he's given to you. Ever stop to think this might be your heaven, or just take the easy way out because it's easy to have bags provided for you at the grocery store. You're a Joke, Fuck LDS pigs, and all their piglets!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Missed Opportunities

I hate missing out. I really do. Today I missed a juicy one! A great looking spider was on the ground outside my parents house, but I had to pee so bad I ran in then by the time I ran back out... Gone! DAMN IT! I pin bugs, or rather it's a new fun hobby I've picked up from my lover. Shucks!


Starting weight: 136 lbs.

Day 1 of THE master cleanse.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Self Portrait

The Weed

I dreamed that dead, and meditating,
I lay upon a grave, or bed,
(at least, some cold and close-built bower).
In the cold heart, its final thought
stood frozen, drawn immense and clear,
stiff and idle as I was there;
and we remained unchanged together
for a year, a minute, an hour.
Suddenly there was a motion,
as startling, there, to every sense
as an explosion. Then it dropped
to insistent, cautious creeping
in the region of the heart,
prodding me from desperate sleep.
I raised my head. A slight young weed
had pushed up through the heart and its
green head was nodding on the breast.
(All this was in the dark.)
It grew an inch like a blade of grass;
next, one leaf shot out of its side
a twisting, waving flag, and then
two leaves moved like a semaphore.
The stem grew thick. The nervous roots
reached to each side; the graceful head
changed its position mysteriously,
since there was neither sun nor moon
to catch its young attention.
The rooted heart began to change
(not beat) and then it split apart
and from it broke a flood of water.
Two rivers glanced off from the sides,
one to the right, one to the left,
two rushing, half-clear streams,
(the ribs made of them two cascades)
which assuredly, smooth as glass,
went off through the fine black grains of earth.
The weed was almost swept away;
it struggled with its leaves,
lifting them fringed with heavy drops.
A few drops fell upon my face
and in my eyes, so I could see
(or, in that black place, thought I saw)
that each drop contained a light,
a small, illuminated scene;
the weed-deflected stream was made
itself of racing images.
(As if a river should carry all
the scenes that it had once reflected
shut in its waters, and not floating
on momentary surfaces.)
The weed stood in the severed heart.
"What are you doing there?" I asked.
It lifted its head all dripping wet
(with my own thoughts?)
and answered then: "I grow," it said,
"but to divide your heart again."

Elizabeth Bishop

Saturday, June 19, 2010


Now I see this clearly. My whole life is pointed in one direction. There never has been a choice for me.

-Travis Bickle

Friday, June 18, 2010

When it smells like bad califlower

It's usually MaryJean.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

The Domain of Fools

I've up set the Apple cart (about so much).
or HEED.
no no.

Gossip by definition is casual talk about someone else's affairs or behaviors. All too often I become sucked into a this vortex, all too willingly. The ease of judging another with a sick pleasure angers me. WHY? What's the point? Do I really have that low of self esteem. Who gives a fuck what anyone else does? I'm no Saint. I'm certainly no square.
But I am angry at myself after reading a friend's blog, she talks about a close friend that has spread a terrible rumor about her. It makes me mad. I stand by at work all the time and listen to 'hush-hush' antics. GOD PEOPLE! GOD myself! I pass some of this shit on sometimes without even knowing the scoop from the score. I'm done! I WILL NOT TALK ABOUT OTHERS AFFAIRS OR ACTIONS! I WILL NOT!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

People for Pennies

A dime a dozen. 6, 8, 12. Too many people having too many people. Then advertising their personal lives all over the back of their mini vans, and SUVs, in a badge of honor... ?