Tuesday, December 18, 2012


I'm not longer a member of the church! I'm free! The lift off my heart of knowing I am exactly who I am suppose to be. I no longer am counted among a group I don't share the same values, or beliefs with. I am just me, and that is just lovely :)


I'll show you meek. My life might hang like a mote of dust in a sunbeam, or the current of swirls that curl down the drain, sitting in the rinse like sand in the tide. My grasp on reality has been fragile at best, these days I've dreamt of disappearing, washing down that drain, following those rays into the horizon. I dare chase the sun. The cold and the dark make me suffocate inside. If I were a wolf and had fur I could walk the paths I long to follow, but my coat would kill me in the end, it's forbidden to be a wolf in civilization. I would rather be a wolf than a woman. Both are treacherous to society but at least I wouldn't carry the seed of my enemy inside me. At least I could die with snow beneath me and heat chasing my breath.


Because sometimes we die young.
Chicks to chickens.
Rabbits or bunny which ever you'd rather.
Kitties, lots, and lots, of kitties.
turtles, fishes, frogs, crabs...
She loved them all.

She felt free on a horse back.
She liked to fly.
The country girl, cowgirl boots.

A Bunny with spoiled soft veggie diets.
I'll never forget, but she forgot :(

California sand and long drives.
Slapping sunburnt legs in the back seat.
Chasing goats in hopes they'd faint.
They just got pissed.. :)

To be shocked. Did it reset her?
Was her brain ok?
Did she hurt?

I love her, she taught me to laugh.
To give half a fuck about what others thought.
She never seemed to care for judgments.

She was shy, but didn't take shit.
"FA-BAM!" She head butted Kim.
No Megs didn't take no shit. ;)

I remember he strong tan legs.
She ran track, she loved the sun.
I admired her will power.

The sticky bug, that damn sky light.
at least 10 minutes before each lunch
We never thought we'd get it down.
Stacey May and hangers.
It was ours, the world was ours.

I think of you there with too much make up.
A music box on your chest.
I still can't believe how still you were.
It didn't look peaceful to me.
You looked dead, because you are.

Megs.x. I am sorry.

All I do is cry...

I cry because I want some retribution! I cry because she died too young. I'm mad I didn't get to take her her birthday present. I'm pissed! I'm fucking livid.

Love & Death

"Prettiest Kitty" he says.
Kiss and Hug, to touch feels good, and bad.
Guilt from being alive.
So many beings lose breath.
Inhale, Exhale.

Winding my mind in a reel.
Life is a bowl.
Revolving doors give and take.
When is life not waiting to die?
Step forward.

But life doesn't stop when someone or something you love dies. The cycle of life eclipses on. All I want to do is be with you.

An Apple a Day

A Lady of Alpine

Best wishes of you; 
presumed of me.
A lady of lust.
A lady in me?

Is That Normal?

Is is normal to stare into a bowl of food and want to cry? Not a tear or two, but a bustering bellow. It feels normal to me, tonight, at the desk with no homework, and no assigned readings.

* I'm missing Her

* "The milks gone bad." Might actually happen to me.

* And that question: Why?

Santiago Caruso

Bivouacked in the Woods

”I just keep going. I knew this was coming[...] This or something like it. I always believed in it.”
There really is no preparation for such a thing, an apocalyptic thing.
”People were always getting ready for tomorrow[...] Tomorrow wasnt getting ready for them. It didnt even know they were there.”
To be the last man on earth...
”I dont guess you would know. You'd just be it.”
It does nor make any difference, dying is dying.
”When you die it's the same as if everybody else did too.
I guess God would know it. Is that it?
There is no God.
There is no God and we are his prophets.”
”Things will be better when everybody's gone[...] We'll all breathe easier. When we're all gone at last then there'll be nobody here but death and his days are numbered too. He'll be out in the road there with nothing to do and nobody to do it to.”