I'm boring...

I'm a James Dean follower :) See? I wore my jean jacket(I wear in almost everyday) all I did was add some ruby lips.

As Of Late:

Favorite foods!

Toasted....

+
Warmed....


Thin bagel 110 + boca burger 100 = 210 Load on guilt free pickles, lettuce, mustard, salsa etc!

Coffee... Black, w/ cinna-joy!


Coffee 5(8 oz.) + cinnamon = 10 For 16 ounces, Try pumpkin pie spice too!

In a giant mug-bowl...

+

Better than ice cream frozen delight

Blueberries(1 cup) 70 + soy(1 cup) 100 = 170

sliced...

+


Apple 80 + caramel 100 = 180 SHIT YAY!

Where is your mind?

Where did she go? I shouldn't cry at wedding receptions. Will it work out? Will she hurt more than she already does? Should her parents have declared her mentally incompetent and taken her choice of marriage away from her? Will she ever remember China Tooth?

I feel like I lose friends to marriage, to mental illness, to the dark side(religion).

Find a way back, I want to pray so bad for her, but is anyone listening? I fear someone is, but they have no more power than you or I. They can pray too, maybe our faith will give her strength.

Did I mention I hate weddings(when it involves a kindred spirit).

:'(

I fear I want more than I can have

or handle.

I told him.

And it starts, I can feel it.

Cheapened

A bargaining chip, never to be one. Mother nature is dawned as the beauty of all we know... Yet all we have left are artistic models of what heretofore was so common in places of tall buildings and never ending blacktop highways. A not so absent future holds art as being vital to tell young ones of what once was and is now no more, and to remember ourselves, hopefully with a broken heart of the burden we carry for the diminishing sphere.



With that off my chest, it's fall, my newly decided favorite season. Pumpkin butter is a BIG reason for that ;) (http://www.skinnytaste.com/2010/10/pumpkin-butter.html).
Let us not forget the crispness on your lungs, the colors of a a dying damsel, and so many unlistable sensations! I'm going to try to take some deep breaths today and just remember how grateful I am to have a chance at life.

.x.

Ah and without further ado, I've wrote my letter(as well as Cody's) and will me mailing them priority with delivery confirmation. Things are level, I can handle that.

I have a thought:

Mostly, sorely, and indiscriminately I am sold on the idea that life is fucked up.

It is.

Take a deep breath, hide your eyes, suck your thumb, find what makes you 'feel better' and do it when you need to.

When I feel stressed(or upset whatever). I restrict calories, I also do that because I am disgusting, but that's beside the point. The point of the matter is, I'm back on train FULL TIME, none of this part time shit, excuses of Cody, of events, of loved ones. NO ONE can make me eat anything I don't want to. I need to understand I will offend my friends and family, but I don't care anymore. I live my life for me. Once I eat my oatmeal I will be at 300 cal for the day, and I already ran 5 miles, so I want to stay about even. I'm planning no more than 600 cal today. I'll let you know how it goes.

.x.

Been out...

Some days are better than other days.

And some days you feel like a Macy's Day parade balloon. Sigh*