Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I have been Alive

I've just been busy, and neglecting myself per usual. Here's some new and old favorites I feel about. I have been feeling a lot and nothing quite often. Either full of emotion or completely absent of it... Go figure.

*A steamed soy coffee(dark roast) extra foam, a dash of cinnamon on top at Boarders and looking at art and fashion magazines with my Poop. :)

*Hiking with enormous amounts of weight... Other wise know as backingpacking with a reward :)

*Finding the biggest elk horn :D Ta Da!

*Feeling apathy toward selfish little girls that choose a life of 'mental illness'

*Having blisters... And being ok with it.

*Not sleeping in too much, and getting some stuff done.


*Reading case law and writing up summaries (Did you know that in 1953 they didn't have DNA proof for paternity testing, so you had to "prove" the kid was the fathers by testimony only. Pretty much women got the raw end of the deal. We'll all just crazy whores anyway right?)

*Feeling guilty for being happy and living my life because my best friend can't.

*Knowing dirt IS NOT better than air.(Please don't tell someone that lost a loved one that they are in a better place without knowing their belief system first)

*Knowing when my lover hugs me, that it's real. I'm real and he really loves me like I love him (I do sometimes still doubt myself and him :( It's sad but true)

*Knowing my calling and having a desire to do better

*Feeling that I don't apply myself enough to prove I am worthy of my calling, dream and desire in life.

*Day dreaming about chickens is nice

*Looking at VERY thin girls and feeling like a cow

*Wondering why I am skinny sometimes and morbidly obese most of the other times.

I have so much on my chest and so little time to take action.. Yet so much. I need to work harder be stronger, faster, be ALL I CAN BE... But not in the Army sense. I do feel insane but I feel driven for great things, I pray to whatever God is out there that I can make my mind work right soon, because if I keep losing weight I may ruin everything

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